Portland is too small

Running into him on a beautiful sunny Saturday afternoon where the two of you used to hang out - devastating.

On the flip side.....

The past couple weeks have been exhausting and exciting.

Some lowlights :
-We've been apart for almost 8 weeks now. There are days I can barely function, then days when I am fine. Overall, I know without a doubt, we are not meant to be together. The truth and weight of it is still unbearable, even though I know it's for the better for me........
-He called and told me he went on a date. A date. Read above.............it hasn't even been 8 weeks. He called me last week to tell me that. I was strong, but let him know exactly how that made me feel. Even though we are divorcing, legally we are married. We aren't even LEGALLY SEPARATED, just physically for now. I live over here, he lives over there. And still I find it stunning, shocking and devastating that he has gone on a date. We were together for 6 short years, but shared so so much.  Even in his absence, he is showing that he is not the one for me.
And that hurts.

Highlights :
-Raphael Saadiq last week was amaaaazing. Can't wait for Stone Rollin' to come out.

- Mos Def on Saturday night was ......wow......AWESOME. His lyrics....ahh...his style...oooh...his charm and Brooklyn swagger....yum..
-Whew, ok. Also my crafts are selling super slowly but consistently. I seem to have one good bite a week, and for that i'm so grateful.
-God is showing me sign after sign after sign. I'm blessed to have my family and friends supporting me.

1-2-3 punch

You nailed it for me, Adele

YouTube - Adele - Rolling In The Deep

There's a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bring me out the dark,


Finally, I can see you crystal clear,
Go ahead and sell me out and a I'll lay your ship bare,
See how I'll leave with every piece of you,
Don't underestimate the things that I will do,


There's a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bring me out the dark,


The scars of your love remind me of us,
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all,
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless,
I can't help feeling,


We could have had it all,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
Rolling in the deep,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
You had my heart inside of your hand,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
And you played it to the beat,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),


Baby, I have no story to be told,
But I've heard one on you and I'm gonna make your head burn,
Think of me in the depths of your despair,
Make a home down there as mine sure won't be shared,


The scars of your love remind me of us,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
I can't help feeling,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),


We could have had it all,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
Rolling in the deep,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
You had my heart inside of your hands,


[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/rolling-in-the-deep-lyrics-adele.html ]


(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
And you played it to the beat,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),


Could have had it all,
Rolling in the deep,
You had my heart inside of your hands,
But you played it with a beating,


Throw your soul through every open door,
Count your blessings to find what you look for,
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold,
You'll pay me back in kind and reap just what you've sown,


(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
We could have had it all,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
We could have had it all,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
It all, it all, it all,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),


We could have had it all,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
Rolling in the deep,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
You had my heart inside of your hands,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
And you played it to the beat,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),


Could have had it all,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
Rolling in the deep,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
You had my heart inside of your hands,


But you played it,
You played it,
You played it,
You played it to the beat.

Read more: ADELE - ROLLING IN THE DEEP LYRICS http://www.metrolyrics.com/rolling-in-the-deep-lyrics-adele.html#ixzz1JBZNjO2Y
Copied from MetroLyrics.com

Processing.....Downloading......

Today during my errand running, I ran into....

My sister in law. His older brother's wife. The brother who has the closest relationship with their Mother. 

Anyway, we saw each other and hugged. She asked, "Whatcha doin' over here in this area?"

Me, "I live here"

Her, "Oh, you guys moved over here?"

Me, "...........um, no. I live here. With family"

Her, "...................."

Me, " You know......."

Her, " Know what?"

Me, ".............L asked for a divorce"

Her, "..................I.............huh? Are you serious??"

Me, "......Oh. He hasn't...........told....his family?"

Her, still processing, ".......No".

Me, "......Oh".

Silence.                Silence.                 Silence.                 Silence.

Ok, it was like not even 4 seconds, but it felt beYOND uncomfortable.

Me, stupidly fumbling for words and looking for any type of out, "I heard you were pregnant. Congratulations! When we moved out, we had alot of baby clothes from when we were going to adopt. Then foster. Anyway, tons of stuff coming your way.....So he should be bringing those by any day now"

Her, still processing....."......................Thanks"

Me, ".......Ok. Take care. Bye".

Ugh.

I walked to my car and drove away humiliated, embarrassed, sad. UGH.

Now I know why people relocate when relationships end. I mean, Portland is not a tiny country town, but it's not L.A. either. In this city, you WILL run into your past constantly. 

How do people do this? How am I gonna do this?

Sigh.....

Something good

I made a sale today! A non-friend or family member! These cuties will be shipping out shortly........

God gave me a big smile today.

My pic of the week

There is a cubby under the stairs (ha) at my bro's place. Elijah is thrilled because he can hide out in there. In fact, he's put tons of blankets and pillows in there. I've actually gone in there to lay down. I feel like a hobbit.

Anyway, the other day I caught him reading one of the books I brought over....

The book is open, the Nintendo DS is closed. Picworthy!

Don't you love when kids enjoy something YOU did as a child? Thank you Shel Silverstein!