End of 2010

I think i'm happy to be saying goodbye to this year. Its had major heartbreak-

-Death of Lito's Father
-My layoff
-Death of my Grandmother
-Marriage drama/crap
-Lito's babymama drama/crap
-Temporary cancellation of Fost/adoption AGAIN

We've been in marriage counseling and individual therapy for a couple weeks now. I am hopeful this will put us on the right path. It's amazing how you can not even notice that you are disrespecting your spouse, or not communicating enough. You go to work, give 110% to your job/coworkers, and then come home and give little to the one you made a vow to. Lines become drawn, we stack our cards and then shut down. Right now, we are working on reversing negative stuff like that. We are working on putting each others needs first, as a married couple. As our therapist said, "When you EACH wake up deciding that you are solely responsible for saving the marriage, how can either of you go wrong?"

........Oh. When he put it like that, as plain as simple as could be, I think a light went on for both of us and we realized we had not been doing so.

I hope 2011 brings good cheer.

~Nephew and I wishing you Happy New Year!~

Making it work.

We are a work in progress. Individual therapy AND marriage counseling. It's been a week and so far so good. I've put my dream of a child temporarily on hold. What's the point of trying to have a child with your husband when there are many...many ...issues between us? It seems, the closer we got to our homestudy, the more relationship/marriage crap started coming out.yayyy.

This blog is still my journey to my child. If it takes my entire life, I will.

Marriage is hard.

I just wanted to put that out there. It seems before you get married, everyone tells you its work. They forget to add the word "hard", though.

So I will.

Marriage......is hard work.

It is what it is.

Our marriage is not pretty right now. I feel no one is reading this blog anyway, so what do I care that I'm saying it out loud. This blog is about the road to our child. Or maybe just my child?

I hope not.

I love my husband.

I want us to work.

Is this just a "rough patch"? I didn't that was supposed to happen until the "7 year itch", or after 12 or more years of marriage. Not at 3 1/2 years.

Anyway, it pains me to say, that we canceled our home study. We thought it best to put it on hold while we focus on our marriage. We realized how solid we are going to have to be as a team to tackle the issues ahead with foster care/adoption.

This sucks.

The yearn,need,desire to have a child does not go away and decide to come back after marriage counseling and therapy.

This. Sucks.