flu and blue.

Woe is me, lately. What a great time to blog, since I can't get out of bed. Yay flu.

I trust in God, I love Him. I am realizing, though, faith can be hard. Believe and Let Go.....honestly, that's what I am working on right now.

Is it just me, or is everyone pregnant right now? 5 of my Facebook friends, and about 3 blogs I faithfully stalk. I know, that sounded lame, but it is what it is, people. My friend D says, "So, defriend them all. You don't need this." I understand what she means. She doesn't want me to suffer. Infertility is painful. I'm 31 and have been infertile for 12 years. 12 years of "we have exciting news!", baby showers, birth announcements, birthday parties, blah blah blah. So defriending them would not make life better for me. This is life. Life produces life, live moves and builds and thrives, life ends.

What I need to cling to during these times is my God. I cry, pray, read. I spend time with family and friends. I make cards, work on the adoption lifebook. And when his ex is not being cold hearted, we have his kids:)

We had them this weekend and it was low key and amazing. We debuted their new rooms. The younger 2 share now. We put their beds side by side, painted the room grey, and loaded the room with lots of color and artwork. It's awesome!

M loved having her own room here. When she opened the door she was silent. She just stood therean then I heard a tiny....."wow". We left her alone in her turqoise room. About 10 minutes later she comes out...."Kristin, did you paint and decorate this just for me?" Me, "Yep. You're my girl." For 2 days she was in there,jammin to a boombox I found at Goodwill, laying on the white bed I found on craigslist, looking at her tree, owl and bird scene that covers an entire wall. She loved her porcelain horse lamp that I spray painted white and got a cool white square lampshade. She noticed everything and was in love. Well worth the wait to see her, A and J.

Retail Therapy

I celebrated us being one step closer, by searching for some more items for baby A. Pants, and a couple shirts.

Also, getting our paperwork together. Here we go with the mounds of paperwork :)

The Bittersweets

Today I received news that my dear friends 3 year stepgrandson died in a tragic accident last night. My friend and I talked about it earlier today, and she called me again tonight, around the time of the accident the night before. My prayers are with my sweet friend and her extended family. That sweet grandson just may be walking hand in hand with my beautiful Grandmother.

Prior to that call, earlier today, I received a call from DHS. They let us know they received our clean b/g checks, and to expect to receive info regarding that, the next step, and contact info for our ADOPTION WORKER. We are supposed to hear from her any day. Thank the Lord for being one step closer to our child. I honestly was not expecting the b/g check to come back so soon, therefore assuming I would not hear anything until late October. I'll admit, I screamed when I got off the phone...so what.

I started thinking of a timeline, and I am trying not to allow my mind to wander. Truth is, we could be on a waiting list for years. Something is saying it won't be years though. I believe I will be full time mama....soon.

Update.....?

It's been about 4 weeks since we were fingerprinted for our background check. We can probably expect to hear NOTHING for the next 4-5 more weeks. Ugh. After that, our homestudy begins. So, its safe to say I will not hold my baby this year. I knew that, bums me out a little. But it's all about God's timing...

I think because we are actually in the adoption process, this season has me longing a bit stronger. Fall is my favorite favorite season! The weather is crisp, the colors are beautiful, there's a refreshing energy in the air. I can't wait to help my son/daughter gear up for school one day...:)

I did some shopping around town for the house. I am so tired of pretending baby stuff doesn't exist. Today I was like - I'm buying baby stuff. Now, keep in mind I had to choose wisely. We are far from knowing the age or sex of our child, but we are praying for an infant. I hear the chances of receiving an infant through DHS is highly unlikely. Why is that not stopping us? Again, I refer you back to my faith in God. I'm a big believer that he will give you the desires of your heart. To ensure the items would be used, I just looked for bigger sizes.

So my "gender neutral-make sure the size is 12mo+" baby items search was on.....

*My thought bubble while perusing the infant/toddler section at Target and TJ Maxx...*
"Pregnant women are damn lucky with their stupid due dates, the option of knowing the sex, and their general idea of what size the baby will be. Look at all these flipping options for women with ovaries."

Meanwhile, in adoptionland, I pick out a bib, some sweet green and yellow turtle washcloths, a Paul Frank beanie with matching shoes(bright blue), and......some socket covers. Wooo. Madness.

That was about it for gender neutral adoptionland. A word to all retailers....um, not everyone knows the sex of their child, or even the age! Do you think you could not splash every childs item with pink or hardcore boys colors? Is it a onesie with trucks or one with cupcakes? Isn't there a happy medium,like grey, yellow, mint, white, red, orange? I'm just sayin'.

Retail therapy helps the days go by, plus it prepares me little by little for baby. And I had a good day.

Tomorrow, lunch with Mom and Gramma E. Saturday we spend the day with friends, and Sunday a concert! John Legend!! Yee-hoo! Have a good weekend :)